how to refrain from verbally stabbing customer service reps.

First things first: My blog has moved! I am now at callmesassafras.com. You can head over there or follow me on bloglovin’ here. I’ll post on both locations for a little while but make sure you change your feeds or bookmarks so you don’t lose your daily dose of my awkward self! 

Can I just preface this by saying that on a scale of 1 to 10, my BS tolerance is like a negative twelve? Like no patience.

So I’ve been working on switching over to self-hosted wordpress and I’d been working on it all day yesterday and things were looking pretty good. And then my blog crashed. Everywhere I would click, there was some sort of error. No worries, I told my little brain monster who was ready to pitch a fit, you can just talk to customer service. But oh. my. goodness. I just couldn’t take it. After talking to the lady for almost two hours, it was 2:30 am and I was about to verbally stab someone stat

But apparently it’s bad to verbally stab someone, so I went through my list of how to stay call me when the BS levels are tipping the scale. To avoid any one else getting verbally stabbed, I’m sharing them with you.

Take ten deep breaths. Cliche, I know. But for a good reason. It really does calm you down. Plus if you can have a little fun and pretend to be Darth Vader, you might get a little giggle out of yourself because you’re just that funny. And if you giggle, then you’re a little less likely to verbally stab someone.

Think happy thoughts. Like puppies and dramatic llamas. And remember, it could be worse. At least you’re not a customer service rep. (And if you are, I’m so sorry.)

Do something else. I picked up my gratitude journal and straight up stared at it for a minute like I am freaking not grateful right now. But then I remembered that I am, and I felt better.

And can I just say heaps of thanks to Jason at PassionfruitAds? I know you all know this but he’s literally the best thing to hit the internet. ever. He helped me not hurt any poor customer service reps.

Just remember, anger is like drinking poison and wanting your enemy to die. Or some dark metaphor like that. I think Oprah said that.

Anyways, no stabbing today, verbally or otherwise.

Over and out.

Allie

 

 
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Gatsby dinner party recap, part un

Monday night, my friends and I threw a big Gatsby/Roaring 20s themed dinner party. We had a blast! We girls shopped all day and then cooked dinner–even in our fancy dresses! Actually not that fancy, most of them are from Goodwill. Figures.

We mostly stuck to food that was significant to the novel–Daisy’s Mint Juleps, mashed potatoes + string beans, lemon cake. But the boys wanted steak, so we also had kebabs.

We set up in the lower level of my backyard. Later we realized we set up under our satellite dish. Classy, right?

Then we ate!

We danced to some 1920’s swing…

We played croquet….

We attempted to play badminton…

We took lots of pictures (more to come)…

(Excuse my friend’s face on the far left…)

When I woke up Monday, it said 40% chance of rain from 3pm till midnight. We also had an extremely limited budget. But thankfully, neither of those ended up being a problem! We used as much stuff as we could find in our own houses (or in those of the old ladies we know) to save money and ended up spending less that $50 on food! Most of our dresses are from Goodwill and accessories were ours or our grandmothers. It didn’t rain, other than a brief smattering before dinner. Overall, it was a smashing success!

Have you ever hosting a dinner party? What are your tips to make a party a success?

Funky mood? Not for long.

Being in a funk sucks. I get in a funk, for no reason at all every few weeks or so and I feel just miserable. I’m grumpy at everyone I see, I stomp around and I get things done about as fast as molasses in January. You get these too? Congrats, you’re normal. Well get your mouse ready to bookmark this because I’m about to give you foolproof steps to take the first bus out of Funkytown.

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1. Be extra funky. Tell yourself and everyone you see, “I am in a funk.” Make extra grumpy faces at people on purpose and scowl at your goldfish. You’re not allowed to get out of your funk. The more you try to be in a funk, the harder it is.

2. Decide to get out of the funk. Why? Because being in a funk sucks. Come on, keep up. Admit you’re in a funk and try to be open to positivity. Then proceed.

3. Take care of yourself. Take a shower. Girls, put on a little makeup, do a face mask, paint your nails. It’s harder to feel funky when you look fabulous.

4. Be productive. Make a to do list and commit to doing one thing start to finish even if it’s small. Do a load of laundry. Reply to a few emails. Work on something that will occupy your mind.

5. Talk to someone who loves you. Find your funniest/most awesome friend and call them. Say, “I’m in a funk; entertain me, friend.”

6. Go outside. A little walk/run/bike ride can do wonders for a funky mood. Even sitting outside with a book or iPod can shift your mood from sad to sassy!

7. And lastly, watch these gifs, put googly eyes on stuff,  Jes-style, listen to this and read this book.

5 More Things I’m Not Ashamed Of (But Probably Should Be)

1. All the librarians at our local library know me. Not like they just recognize my face vaguely–they know me, by name/favorite books/magazine preferences. Needless to say, we hang out a lot.

2. I know most of the words to every song on the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack. So what? It’s not a movie about vampire alien transvestites or anything, who said that? Not weird at all.

3. I always have at least (read: usually more than) eight tabs open at a time. Proof, right now:

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4. I get scared so easily, especially in scary movies. We’re not just talking about a little spooked. A few months ago, H and I watched Paranormal Activity 3. “It’s not too scary,” he says. “You’ll like it,” he says. I’ll like it, yeah right. I slept with my closet light on for two weeks.

5. Not only do I watch Jerry Springer and love it, I watch Dance Moms. And love it.

Smart girl.

What are you not ashamed of (that maybe you should be)? Do you think I should be ashamed of any of these?

Things I love about me + why that’s not arrogant

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Does this sound arrogant, that I’m making a list of things that make me awesome? Probably, but I don’t think it should. Everyone should think they’re awesome. Sometimes I feel like we’re not “allowed” to admit when we’re good at things. If someone asks me if I’m smart, I don’t feel like I can say yes, even though I know I am. I have to do a little  “ermm…sorta…yeah…I guess so…maybe” kind of answer. But what’s so wrong with admitting that?It feels a little awkward to do this post, but hey, awkward things can be fun.

  1. I’m smart, like school smart. I make good grades. I test well. I’m in the top of most of my classes. (Street smart…not so much.) But I also think I’m good at not being annoying about it and making other people feel stupid.
  2. I have fantastic taste in music. Please ask me for recommendations, that makes me so happy.
  3. I’m really sarcastic and cool people think that’s funny. I have a really dry sense of humor and sometimes people don’t catch it but sometimes I can really make people laugh and I like that.
  4. I’m good at making adults love me. I’m great at being polite and making small talk so parents or older friends tend to love me.
  5. I’m good at reading. Is this a skill? Kinda. I’m a fast reader I guess I should say. And I have great taste in books (again, I think).
  6. I’m good at fishtailing (a kind of braid).
  7. I’m athletic and strong. Like for my size, which is small.
  8. I’m great at arguing, especially in formal debate. I think logic & debate was one of the best classes I’ve taken. Because of it, I can point out your fallacies all day.
  9. I’m good at being excited about silly things that most people don’t care about, like whale sharks.
  10. I’m good with kids. I don’t want kids, but they tend to like me.
  11. I’m adventurous! I want to travel everywhere and do awesome things.
  12. I’m good at accessorizing! Especially with statement necklaces.
  13. I have cool looking eyes. Sometimes they’re brown, sometimes they’re green, sometimes I’ve got one of each.
  14. I’m pretty. That was the hardest one to write and I’m convinced you’re all gonna judge me, but hey, I think so. And I think you should think you’re pretty too.
  15. I’m good at time management. I’m rarely late for things and I almost always get things done when I want to even if I only have a short amount of time.
  16. I’m really good at spelling. When I was younger, I was in a lot of spelling bees, so now I know how to spell weird things like antediluvian.
  17. Semi-related, I kick butt at Scattergories and Scrabble.
  18. I plan for the future.
  19. I’m naturally curious about lots of things.
  20. I don’t take myself too seriously.

Join the awkwardness–what’s good about you? What makes you awesome?

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By the way, I got this idea from another blog who called it an “Awesome List” but for the life of me, I can’t figure out who it is. If anyone knows the blog, please let me know so I can credit!

6 Things I’m Not Ashamed Of (But Probably Should Be)

1. I still think Hanson is a good band. Example one: “Penny & Me”–I still listen to this song regularly.

Example two: I listen to their new album. Example three: I actually knew that Hanson had a new album.

2. I wear a helmet. So what? I’m safe. I’m more likely to get in an accident than most people you know, so it’s probably a good idea. Plus, I look hot.

Cute face, cute helmet. Be jealous.

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3. I am a grammar snob. Yes, I do make the occasional (read: once a year) mistake in my grammar, but please know that if you split an infinitive or misplace a modifier, I have already judged you. (Please don’t go looking for grammar mistakes in my posts now that I’ve been all arrogant about it…)

4. I watch Jerry Springer. Why? Read my rationale.

I know I already posted this picture but you’ve got to admit, that’s funny.Pretty intense episode of Jerry Springer, lol.

5. While I know a lot of words, I’m notorious among my friends for mispronouncing them. When I was little, I thought “porcelain” was pronounced pork-lain and I had no clue the ‘b’ in “subtle” was silent. There are many more examples. Why? My mom said it was because I read too much and didn’t talk to people enough. That’s why I was fifteen before I learned how to pronounce hyperbole.

6. I watch Workaholics. And yes, I get almost all of the dirty jokes. Not ashamed.

What are you not ashamed of (that maybe you should be)? Do you think I should be ashamed of any of these?